What a week. One look at my Instagram and you’d think I was the most deranged sort of celebrity stalker, and this newsletter will be no better. No regrets Coyote. Still high on stardust after my Natalie Portman interview and you know, casual rally with Roger Federer. Because let’s face it, they are both members of a niche club of global shlebs you’d actually want to meet.

Beyond being extraordinarily talented, both possess the added feature of all-round intelligence. And, with great intelligence, I reckon, comes true confidence, the non navel-gazing kind, translating into a capacity for humility and kindness. This in turn makes a person a good conversationalist, and both are. The other kind of rally.

Good luck comes in threes, so naked dresses got banned from Cannes just as I got off the court with Roge. Naturally, I proceeded to follow every gossip rag on earth down the rabbit hole of what the red carpet prancers were really allowed to wear and what they weren’t and wouldn’t they break the rules anyway, etc. The whole thing is rather revolutionary in 2025 and not, as some critics have implied, a conservative values-led clampdown on female expression (that would be bad, I obviously agree).

No, it is not an affront to feminism — to accuse the Cannes committee of such is to completely miss the point— what we have here is a pleading, flailing attempt to make Cannes about cinema again. The ban is just trying to do away with the basest form of attention-seeking, (or worse, total objectification of one’s date,) after the likes of Kanye and Bianca ruined naked dressing for everyone.

Personally, I love a dress code (within reason) and then seeing what I can do within its borders —I think it actually encourages creativity, rather than stifling it.

Was pleased to see even expert sheer-wearing icons were in agreement:

By the way, on the general subject of what-not-to-wear dramas, I’ve just picked up Virginia Woolf’s The New Dress (thanks for the recs as ever, Emma Knight). Cue a dance inside the head of Mabel, who makes herself a new dress for a fancy shindig, only to find herself in a insecure tailspin when she arrives, convincing herself her dress is outdated and everyone is judging her. Woolf’s signature stream of conscious only adds to the drama —we’re right there with Mabel. Psychological realism at its finest for fashion analysts and psych-lovers alike (or both: I assume there’s some overlap? There certainly was for Woolf.)

So, while I brainstorm outfits for a summer rammed with fancy weddings (I’ll add some slightly more accessibly priced occasion-wear ideas at the bottom of the newsletter,) here are my thoughts on old-school Cannes dressing you didn’t ask for.

One more thing about this year before we go back in time though. I wouldn’t exactly say the Cannes looks we’ve seen since Monday have been modest (aside, perhaps, from Juliete Binoche’s Dior hood-gown but it’s a vibe). They’ve just let their wearers shine from the face down and so too, the industry beam a little brighter than its supporting acts.

Anyway, as Camille added to her thread: “rules are meant to be broken. But in my humble opinion only someone who has deserved a spot on the red carpet should be breaking them rules. If Meryl or Cate wants to show up in a naked ball gown so be it…” Hear hear. Let those who have truly earned it do as they please.

Also, I am completely here for Bella Hadid’s Audrey Hepburn via Jacquemus transformation. I shared it in my stories and someone commented “looks forced”. It is forced lol!

But she doesn't look mad at it. Give us that old world glamour any day.

Diane Kruger in her Prada gown last night nailed the mood too — (channelling Marlene Dietrich, as Kruger herself alludes).

Meanwhile Andy Macdowell seemed to be channelling David Lynch or maybe just being herself while staying within the ordre du jour (the instructions say long dress or tux after all .) Bonus points.

Reminded me of these old shots of Tilda Swinton at a Cannes afterparty in 2004. When in doubt, wear a tux and enjoy your damn life.

With the new prompt I ehm, couldn’t help but wonder what dress I’d wear to Cannes if I were there. And like, an actress. Other than the Andy/Tilda suit option, obviously.

Maybe I’d channel this Lee number, (minus the hair flip). Though the dress could cause a little clashing issue with the red carpet…

Actually wait! Our girl Natalie did something similar in 2025 if I remember correctly. (She is an honorary Kennedy after all.)

Well well, clashing not an issue. The red just sorta fades into the carpet…

Portman really excels at Cannes come to think of it. Observe this Dior gown from 2023. Volume and train present but neither so much as to “enombrer” the flow…

But for my very fave dresses, and weirdly the ones I’d most want to wear now, you gotta go a little further back in the archives.

There was this strapless silk number on Naomi Campbell in 2002.

Also, notice how the 90s supermodels kept it low-key fab, as it wasn’t their main event and they were just there to support the film industry (as per CC’s suggestion above?) Bearing in mind they were the influencers of the time…

GOAT also got it right from the outset of course.

You forget how long she and Johnny dated —Kate had get creative! The 1950s Jean Dessès dress she wore to Cannes in 1998—way before wearing archival dresses on the red carpet was a thing. Aces.

But wait! This. In summary, 90s Kate wins Cannes dressing. I think we all knew that. Still, always nice to look back at.

Then there were the Monochromes:

Pas mal. Longing for a swish summer party that isn’t a wedding to wear black or white (or both) to.

Speaking of the 90s, Milla Jovovich probably launched the whole naked at Cannes thing with this look. Yes, that is Luc Besson on the left. Iconic yes, but what do we make of this today with the benefit of hindsight? I dunno. Discuss.

Before we move on, behold! Would this have been allowed on the 2025 red carpet? Let me completely contradict myself above by saying I hope so. (The rules have not applied to Madonna since 1983 people!)

Four Weddings and a Beach Party:

After Marc and I thought we’d aged out of the mad early-thirties wedding rush we are suddenly invited to four weddings this summer in very different locations.

Here are the dresses I’m currently courting for them…

As I mentioned before, you’re still expected to wear colour to most weddings in France these days and I am not one to displease the bride (much as I am one to wear monochromes, khakis and denims everyday). Luckily I’ve found some goodies so far..

Three-day beach wedding in Corsica in late June: civil wedding Friday at the town hall. Saturday at church then lunch then beach party.

Family wedding near Royan on the Atlantic coast of France in July. Maritime chic and all that. Think I’ll rewear this or this.

An under-thirties wedding (except us lol!) in a chateau in the middle of the French countryside in late July, I’m looking at this. It’s a religious Catholic wedding so gotta cover them shoulders in church but Alaia owns sexiness without skin. Most people at this wedding will be in their mid-twenties so I’m leaning into mid-thirties dressing with a satisfied wrinkly smile.

My BROTHER’s wedding to the magnificent Madeleine at a yacht club on the lake in Canada in early August. (My sister and I are in gorg bridesmaids dresses selected by the bride, who has A1 taste, and I wouldn’t have it any other way, but if I weren’t a bridesmaid I reckon I’d wear this.)

And then torn up jeanshorts and swimwear for the rest of August in Canada, woot!

Wait, one more thing— in other artifice-meets-relevance news:

As I mentioned last week, she gotta testify. Love it or hate it, Kim was true to form at the Paris courthouse this week. I guess the point of the diamonds was to give a stonking middle finger to the robbers. Understand the urge but with the current crime rates in Paris I’m frankly just worried she’ll get robbed again.

Inside-courthouse sketches not to be overlooked. Some more flattering than others. I want a courtroom sketch of the Cannes jury. And the committee as they decided on the dress code. (Were there objections?)

And scene. Enough shlebs. The next few Fashion Proust Questionnaires will be with some lesser-known (and thus potentially with even better personal style) Parisian friends and acquaintances. It can take a while to twist their arms, but stay tuned.